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Rumor Roundup: ALL CAPS EMPHASIS

MAKE YOUR HEADLINES STAND OUT with words RANDOMLY capitalized in your HEADLINES. All of the MOST SUCCESSFUL BLOGS are doing it. YOU CAN TOO.

This is Healthbook, Apple's major first step into health & fitness tracking (9to5 Mac)

Buried deep in the bedrock of this very detailed piece: "However, it is possible that the application's launch could be pushed back to a future operating system version or cancelled entirely."

Bet successfully hedged! Now if this functionality fails to debut, all the article's writer needs to do is point to this single sentence and act wounded if anyone dares to criticise. So cunning. Such strategy. Wow.

Rumor: Apple to launch lower-capacity 8GB iPhone 5c this week (AppleInsider)

This actually happened. Why anyone would want an 8 GB iPhone in 2014 is an as-yet unanswered question.

HUUUGE IPHONE 6 LEAK -- Insider claims to reveal iPhone 6 specs (BGR)

From the article: "'These specs could be the real thing,' [BGR's source said], without specifying his source or revealing other details about the handset."

Or, alternatively, they could be a completely manufactured ploy to grab people's attention and generate pageviews to drive up website advertising revenue. I guess we'll find out which scenario is true later this year.

YET ANOTHER iPhone 6 leak seemingly reveals more details on Apple's next iPhone (BGR)

Some analyst in China said some stuff, and BGR is ALL OVER IT with its ALL CAPS EMPHASIS. This time, some guy claimed the next-gen iPhone will have atmospheric pressure, temperature and humidity sensors.

If analysts in China are anything like they are in the States, this guy's source for these claims likely lives entirely within his own skull. Where his skull likely lives is not a subject suitable for a family publication like this one. Suffice it to say that the word "analyst" contains its own clue.

Larger iPhone 6 May Cause Massive Spike in Upgrades, Lure Android Users (MacRumors)

Speaking of analysts, another one came out of the woodwork and pulled some very thin numbers out of even thinner air to show that the iPhone 6 will mean GOOGLE IS DOOMED. Because the words "Apple" and "analyst" and "note to investors" and "iPhone 6" all appeared in the same story, the rumor blogs dutifully reblogged it all over the place without stopping to question for even a split second whether this actually constituted real news or not. In other words, business as usual.

Significantly improved camera again tipped for the iPhone 6 (BGR)

From the article: "It's not clear what components, if any, InvenSense will sell to Apple." That certainly undermines your extremely certain-sounding headline, BGR. In other words, business as usual. Again.

Microsoft Office for iPad will be unveiled this month (The Verge)

This is roughly the 100th time Office for iPad has been rumored to launch. I question how many people outside of the tech blogger community - in other words, normal human beings - will actually notice or care once it does. iPad users have been doing just fine without Office for over four years, which goes a long way toward proving how spectacularly Microsoft has ushered in its own impending irrelevancy.

Lightning iPad 4 could make its return tomorrow alongside 8GB iPhone 5c (9to5 Mac)

This actually happened, so it's six more weeks of winter. Where "winter" means "self-congratulatory patting of oneself on the back so hard one's teeth rattle."

Rumor: Apple taps Samsung to take over iPad mini display manufacturing from Sharp, AU Optronics (AppleInsider)

Whatever else you may say about Samsung, they do make kickass displays.

HERE COMES THE IPHONE 6! Production plans leak from Apple partner Pegatron (BGR)

If you're like me and were thinking "production plans = blueprints," then prepare to be disappointed. All this poorly-sourced article points to is rumored factory production dates for the next-gen handset. I didn't see any of the other rumor blogs snapping this one up, so congratulations to BGR on its scoop (of dog poo).

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