We have a lot of apps coming through our tipline, but this one caught my eye, not only because it is called Zombies (the stumbling undead always catch my eye), but because it offers up a bit of good old-fashioned fun in the form of a Daleks!-style remake.

Gameplay is simple and straighforward -- you run, turn-by-turn in eight directions, from zombies, who pursue you at the same speed, and though the game runs at any pace you want (perfect for gameplay on the iPhone, in my opinion, since most of the time I'm just looking for a few seconds to a couple minutes of easy-to-pick-up action), the dread is real. Just like actual zombies, these guys shamble their way toward you with a hunger that only brains can satisfy.

The game is on the App Store now [iTunes link]. I will say that it is a touch pricey at $2.99 (a simple arcade game like this seems made for the 99-cent price point, and it will probably end up there eventually), but who am I to begrudge the developers a couple of bucks? I don't need to drink that cup of Starbucks anyway. If you're in the mood for a simple, zombified twist on an old classic, this is it.

While you're at it, check out the Zombies preview video we shot at WWDC last July.

We got a chance to sit down (virtually) with the unofficial version of everyone's favorite iCEO, via his alter ego & consigliere Dan Lyons. Fake Steve's perspective is always unique and sometimes astonishing; read on.

TUAW: Fake Steve, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak with me. Before we begin this, I'd like to start off by saying that, on behalf of everyone, it is wonderful to see you in good health and back at the helm of Apple. Phil Schiller did a fine job in your absence, but the man has no stage presence. And Tim Cook's droning voice could put even sugar-fed hyperactive children to sleep -- what a snoozer.

First question: Let's talk about Microsoft. The company recently released its newest operating system, Windows 7, and with it an experimental chain of branded retail stores that largely copy Apple's own concept, right down to the inclusion of in-store support centers, called Guru bars. Your thoughts?

FSJ: Microsoft still hasn't realized that its copycat business model (also known as a "close follower" strategy) doesn't work anymore. For 20 or 25 years this company just waited for others to innovate, then copied the innovation and sold it for less - and this worked great for them. But this stopped working right around 2000 or so. The rest of the world just moves too fast now. Look, they're still trying to catch Google in search, and they've got what -- one percent market share? Same thing for Zune, right?

Well, keep fighting the good fight on that one, you morons. As for the stores, well, they look nice enough, since they copied ours. But in terms of how well they'll do? Come on. Their stores are a joke and they've arrived too late. The whole point of being a close follower is you have to follow closely. We opened our first store in 2001 and we've got something like four thousand of them in the United States alone. I know you're going to tell me I'm a bit off on that number, and, well, maybe so. But I still say we've got four thousand stores and if I say it enough times, people will believe me. Anyway, the other thing Microsoft seems not to understand is that it's not enough just to open a store -- you need to have something cool to put in that store. That might be a problem for them.

TUAW: Their mobile strategy has fallen flat on its face. Windows Mobile, now renamed Windows Phone, is clearly way behind OSX iPhone. Windows Mobile 6.5 is a stopgap measure at best. Windows Mobile 7 is another year away from shipping on devices. And with the recent Danger debacle, the future looks bleak for Microsoft. Do they stand a snowball's chance in hell of ever competing with you? Do you even care?

FSJ: Wait a minute. Microsoft makes mobile phone software? I didn't know that. Are you serious?

TUAW: Speaking of companies that are universally despised. Your contract with AT&T, as the exclusive carrier for the iPhone, is due to expire soon. Tell me you don't plan to continue shackling iPhone to this single carrier?

FSJ: If it is the last thing I do, I will get us off AT&T. By Grabthar's hammer, by the sons of Worvan, this shall be done. Look for news on this early next year.

TUAW: Moving on to Google. With the introduction of Android 2.0 and increasing product introductions like the recent Verizon Droid, Google is slowly gaining traction in the market. How badly do you want to drive hat pins into Eric Schmidt's testicles?

FSJ: Well, very badly, except that Eric Schmidt does not have testicles. Lot of people don't know that. But if he did have them, yes, I would want to harm them. A lot. The guy sat here in our board meetings and listened to all of our product plans and then just stole all of our ideas. I mean he sat here -- right here -- talking to me, asking me questions. I'm sorry. This just gets me really upset. Sniff. Can we move on?

Apple naysayers are a dime a dozen these days. I keep a few in my garage just so I can laugh at them when I wave my iPhone in their general direction and they all cry in unison, "The Zune phone is so totally going to be an iPhone killer. You know, if and when it comes out. Just wait and see."

Rarely do Apple naysayers come with more unintentional hilarity than Joe Wilcox from Betanews, who, alone among reporters everywhere, uncovered a media conspiracy on a scale not seen in recent memory. Namely, contrary to what literally everyone else has reported, Apple was in fact NOT more profitable with the iPhone compared to all of Nokia's cellphone business during the recent financial quarter.

John Gruber from Daring Fireball saw Joe's post, and with his response laid the smackdown on Joe's analysis.

Gruber's post boils down to castigating Wilcox for ignoring Apple's statement of non-GAAP earnings. Basically, Apple's subscription-based accounting for the iPhone spreads its revenues out over several quarters, which it expresses in GAAP (Generally Accepted Accounting Principles) earnings. These are the earnings Wilcox looked at and said, "Wait a minute! Apple didn't make that much money at all! Murder most foul!" If you want a real idea of what Apple actually made with the iPhone over the quarter, you have to look at the non-GAAP earnings. This is something I figured out back when I edited earnings press releases for PR Newswire, and something anyone who reports on financial matters really ought to double-check before protesting to one and all that something foul is afoot.

Wilcox updated his post after Gruber's response, but his rationale is almost as funny as his initial post:

I chose to use the GAAP figures because a) Again, that's what Apple is supposed to report; b) It made for a simpler analysis; c) Apple recognizes previously deferred revenue with the quarterly results; d) According to Apple SEC filings, deferred revenue is for more than just iPhone and Apple TV. The last two points are paramount.
In other words, a) It's the SEC's fault, not mine; b) like Gruber said, I didn't bother reading past the first paragraph of the press release; c) I also didn't bother parsing through the reams of financial tables that come with every quarterly financial press release; d) Gruber is wrong and Apple TV is totally selling like hotcakes.

I showed Wilcox's post to the Apple naysayers I keep chained up in my garage, and they just kind of turned away scratching their heads awkwardly. I don't think that's a good sign for the supposed "misreporting" of Apple's iPhone profits that Wilcox thinks he's uncovered.

Are you looking for that perfect holiday gift for a loved one? Is that someone special a Mac geek or geekette? If so, then the clever people at PowerBook Medic have a wonderful gift idea for you!

They make a living out of repairing old Mac laptops and iPhones, and it's apparent that over the years they've accumulated more than a handful of buttons from machines that need fixing. PowerBook Medic is now making earrings from iPhone home buttons (see photo at right) and the power buttons from aluminum, black, and white MacBooks and MacBook Pros.

These lovely personal accessories can be yours for only US$14.95 per pair, so it's probably a good idea to order a complete set so the recipient doesn't think you're a complete cheapskate.

The company is also giving away 15 pairs of the iPhone earrings to lucky winners. Details of their Twitter-fied contest can be found here.

We've long heard jokes of the iCar, the iToilet, and other iCrap, but until now we'd never seen a real, working example of one of these things. Well, here's your iToilet, gang. It doesn't connect to the internet in less than three steps, but it does connect to a series of tubes.

Tipster Mike Jones actually had this made for himself, but through Rival Toilets, makers of custom, printed potties. Yep, the owner of Rival, Fred, has figured out a way to get decals under a coat of specially-formulated finish (a trade secret), resulting in some glorious toilets you see in the gallery. They last, they are custom and they are really quite something to see.

Rival's specialty? Sports team toilets with rival team logos in a "special" place on the bowl. I'm told the Apple version seen here has a similar "rival" logo in the bottom of the bowl. I'll leave the specifics to the reader's imagination. I don't think it's IBM, however.



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Holiday time is drawing near, with Black Friday just over the horizon. So have you started thinking about what to get your favorite gal? You might want to subscribe to a Monoprice e-mail alert to catch the latest restocks for your beloved's iPhone or iPod touch. Last night, they sold out of their 2200 mAh charge boosters within minutes. I snagged mine just in time.

Because, gentlemen, you need to face it: cables, remotes, and batteries are made of holiday win. Why not consider a miniDisplay cable to give your lady that second Mac mini monitor she's been dreaming about? Those redesigned Apple remotes make the perfect accompaniment to the treadmill, when watching "The View." Or, for that matter, when watching the morning financial news. Whatever floats your boat.

One of my female TUAW colleagues writes, "Last year I got earrings and returned them for a MacBook. My husband also knows that on Black Friday morning, in the dark, I will be at Radio Shack or MicroCenter -- elbows out to fend off other customers -- hissing at the sunlight and hoarding hard drives, enclosures, and spindles of DVDs."

Face it: Chicks love technology. Trust me. I'm a woman.

Results are not typical or representative of all real women's buying habits. Please check with a lawyer before deciding whether purchasing Mac peripherals are right for you. Side effects, including being kicked out of your home and/or marriage, may occur. Peripherals are not a substitute for fine jewelry. Do not attempt to offer technology when the spouse is pregnant or nursing. Consult a physician should a piece of technology make an accelerated impact with your head. In case of technology overdose, seek professional assistance, or contact a family counselor immediately.

An IM conversation with Mike R. got me thinking about what iPhone apps could be useful when you're snowed in. Here's my list, and be sure to use the comments section below to leave your ideas.

You're going to be getting a little cabin fever after being stuck in the house a few days, so why not go insane a bit faster? There are a number of snow globe apps for iPhone in the App Store [iTunes Link], so you can shake them up and watch those little virtual snowflakes falling, all while laughing nervously and sharpening that butcher knife.

On a much more positive, happy-thoughts note, how about thinking about where you can go skiing or snowboarding when the roads are cleared and you can actually get the car out of the garage? The first thing you'll want to know are the snow depths at all of your favorite resorts. The US$1.99 Snow Reports [iTunes Link] does exactly that for over 2,000 resorts worldwide. Ski Lodge - Snow Reports [US$4.99, iTunes Link] is similar, but also provides detailed trail maps, directions to the nearest resort, and more.

When you're on the mountain and riding your board, it's always fun to use iTrailMap 3D [US$4.99, iTunes Link] to trace your runs via GPS on a map, then send the map to those obnoxious virtual coworkers who keep sending you pictures of the palm trees swaying outside their San Diego offices.

You have to hand it to Reko and Bobby John for their stick-to-it-iveness; they were behind a similar set of iPhone costumes in 2007, but those didn't have the fully-functional power of these new outfits. Yes, those are LCD TVs on the front (not touchable, sadly) showing content from the (almost certainly) jailbroken iPhones mounted on top; yes, each getup weighs 85 pounds because it includes a car battery to power the display. I can see how the illusion would be broken by a 500-foot charging cable trailing behind them as they trick-or-treat their way around the subdivision.

There's a part of me that wants to tell these guys to apply their wild, inventive energy to more productive pursuits. And yet... there's another bit of reptile brain that simply sits and watches, in awe.

Thanks to John for the tip!

[via MacRumors Forums]

Talk about embarrassing. Steve Ballmer guest hosted on NBC's Today Show yesterday to talk about the Windows 7 launch. Sadly for Steverino, Matt Lauer talked a lot about Apple and the iPhone. Even worse, sharp eyes noticed an NBC-produced graphic in the background with a Windows 7 logo appearing on the screen of what clearly is a Mac laptop.


You can watch the video here. That's probably not the kind of quality control Microsoft would have liked.

Thanks to Bill for sending this in (no, not Bill Gates)

[via TechCrunch]

Wow. This has been an especially long wait for the Apple Store to return. So here's TUAW's top reasons this is taking so long.

Reason #5 (via @serpicolugnut at Twitter, updated via TUAW reader Zaph):The App Store reviewers are "reviewing" the new store. The current average wait is 14 days.

Reason #4: They might be done with their Time Machine backup by now...

Reason #3: Man, WebObjects is outdated technology...

Reason #2 (Courtesy of @verso via Twitter): Still waiting for the iPhone backups to finish...

And our top reason?...

Dear Aunt TUAW,

I'm an iPhone developer. My applications really need some computing *oomph*. How can I ensure that the app is only distributed on the iPhone 3GS or the iPod 3G or later?

Speaking of which, what exactly is the adoption rate of those newer, faster units? How can I find that out?

Love & Kissies,

Mr. Gando


Read on for Auntie's response...

Earlier today we were inspired by Pepsi's AMP UP Before You Score app [iTunes link], which prompts the would-be ladies' man through several pickup routines, each suited to a different type of young lady (sorority girl, tree hugger, goth girl... that one probably requires a bit of sulking). It's a bit of fun if not a little classless (and Pepsi & AMP have since apologized). With that in mind, we've compiled 5 apps for the scoundrel.

Fake Call apps

This one is more of a trick than a particular app. Here, Manolith describes how to use one of the many fake call apps to your advantage. Before approaching the object of your affection, set up a fake "grandma" profile complete with picture and set to ring one minute into your conversation. Because starting off with deception is the way to go.

The fake call apps let you set up a fake phone call that looks and sounds like the real thing, even with a fake "voice" on the other side. Some are better than others, and could provide escape from a scrape.

Awesome Pickups

Awesome Pickups transports you to the Regal Beagle with the most horrendous pickup lines imaginable. That's probably part of the fun, in daring each other to actually tell a young single, "You must be Jamaican because you're Jamaican me crazy!" Simply tap to move from pickup line to pickup line until you're either slapped or asked to leave.

Amazing Rejections: Smackdown

If you're on the receiving end of a would-be suitor equipped with Awesome Pickups, Amazing Rejections: Smackdown is for you. Tap to view a laundry list of ill-advised pickup lines and their corresponding denials. Don't feel badly about using an especially vicious rejection, s/he probably deserves it.

Relationship Test

To end with something more savory than the rest, here's Relationship Test. This app presents a lighthearted quiz to share with your special someone. Have a few laughs while you learn about each others likes and dislikes. There's no heavyweight relationship advice here, just a bit of harmless fun. And it's better than targeting your tweets for a tree hugger.

I like the way Schiau Studios thinks -- when customers complained about the price of their $2.99US App Store game Alchemize, they raised the price up to $39.99. Over on the TouchArcade forums, they make their case: most devs, they say, when faced with complaints about price, will just lower their price even though their software is already cheap. So they wanted to buck the trend, and instead raised it up to almost $40 (which, incidentally, is slightly more than what you might pay for a handheld console game).

Lest you simply complain that they were greedy, they say they were only out to make a point: everyone who purchased the game at the higher price point will have all of their money go to charity, and now that the game's back at the $2.99 price point, 33% of all the profits to be gained will go to the same charity. Regardless of whether the game's any good or not, we like their thinking.

Can we all agree to stop griping about price points? I've actually heard this come up lately on a comedy podcast of all places -- when Chicago broadcasting legend Steve Dahl (and one of my favorites) started up a podcast about a month ago, and introduced an app to go along with it. Steve was inundated with comments complaining about the $2.99 price, which he responded to with a great argument on the show: he's put a lot of money into the app and the show behind it, and if you're already a fan of his, paying less than the cost of a cup of Starbucks should not even be an issue.

Sure, when the App Store first started up, it was the Wild West -- both prices and quality were all over the place. But at this point, Apple's review system has more or less settled down, and blogs like ours are full of recommendations, with enough free apps to last any rabid app user most of their iPhone time. If you have any interest in an app at all, a couple of bucks shouldn't be enough to give you pause -- either pick it up and make sure the dev gets their due (small as that may be), or move on to find an app you'd rather buy.

If you're the kind of person who complains in the comments whenever we post a useless app, then just move right on from this weekend post (or go check out Paradise Monkeys, it actually looks like a good one). But as weird and pointless as this app may be, we have to give the folks behind this iLickIt game credit -- they really took the multitouch screen to a place it probably shouldn't go. The idea is that you get a plate of food from Grandma, and then you have to lick it clean... by actually licking your iPhone or iPod touch. No thanks.

Actually, iLickIt isn't the first app that's asked you to lick something that's been in your pocket (and who knows where) all day long -- there's other ice cream-licking related apps on the store already. But its claim to the very first "iPhone game you play with your tongue" may actually be legit -- it actually times how long it takes you to lick up the food and turns it into a little game. Though we can't really recommend it, it is coming to an App Store near you, so just in case your tongue hasn't had enough to do lately (and yes, I'll just let that one go), there you have it.

Remember Pete's FishCam? Just before Christmas of 2008, we did a short post about Pete Raumann's web app that he developed that allowed him to watch his fish tank, turn the light on and off, and even open and close a treasure chest in the tank.

Pete's now presenting the newly renamed TankedCam to the world, and you get to be in control! While he still won't let you feed his fish (he doesn't want them floating upside down in the tank), you can now get in on the fun of watching and annoying the tank population by heading to either http://www.tankedcam.com or the iPhone / iPod touch-friendly http://m.tankedcam.com.

In his latest hit video, Pete uses an iPod touch and the latter link to control the tank that's in the background. I was playing with this last night while watching TV and trust me, the fish tank was much more interesting than the show. Pete has added an air stone that you can turn on and off, a dinosaur tank ornament with a mouth you can open and close, and one cam that you can pan left and right. A tap on your iPhone screen brings you to a stationary upper camera with a scuba diver that you can control in real time, another air stone controller, and a water pump that you can use to add water to the tank.

If you think that the latter control is going to let you flood Pete's office from your iPhone, you're wrong -- the system is set up with a level controller so you won't be able to add water beyond a certain level in the tank. This is a fun demonstration of remote control via iPhone, so be sure to give it a try. I've included some screenshots from last night's eerily-lit iPhone fish-bothering session, as well as some shots in the light of day. Enjoy!