Filed under: Humor

I can type fairly quickly on my iPhone, at least in landscape mode -- I average about 30 - 35 words per minute compared to around 77 WPM on a standard keyboard -- but the guy in the video above has gone to plaid with his typing speed. Using an app called iTextSpeed [US$0.99, iTunes Link], this anonymous texting speed demon reaches an incredible 56 words per minute on his iPhone in portrait mode. I have no idea how he does it, particularly in portrait mode; I make an average of one mistake every other word unless I'm in landscape, but the guy in the video, whose thumbs look even bigger than mine, only screws up one word during the entire timed sequence.

A few people grouse about the iPhone's lack of a physical keyboard, but the cyborg-thumbed guy in this video proves that for some of us, it's not an issue whatsoever.

[Via Macenstein]

All of Apple's devices have been embraced by pop culture sooner or later, but I think the iPad has probably nabbed the record for quickest to the bear hug. Here's two silly things we've seen today, just a week after the iPad's official announcement. First up, songsmith Parry Gripp's latest mini-tune is all about the iPad, and as you can see above, it's actually a pretty interesting commentary on just how successful the device will likely be: we may argue about which kinds of nachos are ruling, but we can all agree that nachos in general are awesome.

Second, the iPad announcement itself has even been immortalized in papercraft. And if you want your own paper-based recreation of last week's event, you can download the plans and put it together yourself. Weird? Yes. Strange? Very. But for a company that wants to sit at the intersection of technology and the liberal arts, Apple's mission is pretty much accomplished.

Don't even bother questioning why there is video of Jean-Luc Picard bashing Twitter and talking about his love for the iPhone, just watch and enjoy. Okay, okay, it's from a PBS interview designed to promote some of their Shakespeare programming, but that doesn't matter, really. All that matters is that Sir Patrick Stewart calls his "beautiful" iPhone "an extension of whom I am," in the way that only he can.

He also bashes gaming, but only because he says it's extremely addictive, so we'll let that one slide. Here's the really important question: Has anyone pointed out the Star Trek phaser [iTunes link] to him yet? What apps (besides the weather one, we guess) does he run on a daily basis?

[via iPhone Savior]

With every Apple event, we need someone to go in and edit together all of the reality distortion field generators, and this time, it's Neil Curtis, who has cut together most of the "amazing," "great," and "beautiful" adjectives from last week's keynote. Unfortunately, we don't have empirical data (anyone want to actually count up all of them?), but it sure seems to me like "great" and "gorgeous" had a big increase this time around, and "incredible" and "terrific" didn't show up quite so much as previous events.

Also: no boom? Did we not get a single "boom" at all? It was a little more serene demonstration than usual, with Steve lounging on a chair to show off how comfy it is to browse the 'net on the iPad, but the A4 processor didn't inspire a single "boom"? That's disappointing.

[via FSJ]

We were all glued to our computers watching the latest feeds of what was happening inside at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts in San Francisco on January 27th, but what was going on outside? Thanks to Current TV's infoMania Tech Reporter
Ben Hoffman (who was never going to get through the doors under any condition), we now know.

Check out their segment below, it's worth it alone for the pestering Hoffman gave to our sister site's Editor-in-chief, Joshua Topolsky.

I love Pee-Wee. Big Top. Big Adventure. The Playhouse. There is nothing the man (or, to be precise, the character created by actor Paul Reubens) does that he does not elevate to a fine art. And today, Pee-Wee meets the iPad. In this Found Footage from FunnyOrDie.com, Pee-Wee provides his usual impish insight on Apple's latest device. And, as always, the humor is aimed squarely at an adult (not child) audience. If PeeWee's not your thing, well, just scroll on down to the next post. But if you heart Pee-Wee the way that we do, you'll get a kick out of this clever iPad review.

Full Disclosure: It's a fake iPad, but the real Pee-Wee!
Thanks to everyone who sent this in.

Denver-area Apple consultant, trainer, designer, and professional paraglider instructor Tim Meehan surprised me yesterday with the photo you see at right. It was one of a portfolio of pictures he sent to me via email, all of which had me wondering how the heck he had managed to get his hands on an iPad before the rest of us.

At the bottom of the email was the answer: "A little foamcore, an inkjet printer, some spray-mount adhesive, and voila! Something you can send all your friends to make them think you've been keeping a big secret from them..."

If you'd like to amaze and confuse your friends in the next 60 59 days, you can either follow Tim's easy instructions to make a faux iPad, or buy one of ten that he and Andrew McIntosh are selling on eBay.

There's no word on whether or not Tim has developed mockups of the Keyboard Dock or Camera Connection Kit yet.

It had to happen. Somebody had to be the first to announce software for a still-nonexistent piece of hardware.

A lot of us in the business of reporting Apple news and rumors were waiting for the shoe to drop on tablet-related software announcements. Sure enough, developer Ben Gottlieb has taken the bold step of announcing an "iPad" (please let that not be the name...) app in development.

Gottlieb's Stand Alone, Inc. announced today that they're working on a larger version of their popular Crosswords iPhone app. As Gottlieb mentioned, "The main constraint in developing a Crossword app for mobile devices has been the distinct lack of screen real estate. We have been anticipating the Apple tablet as the greatest piece of hardware for App developers since iPhone itself, and Crosswords will be even better on the new device."

So there you have it! A piece of history, right in front of your eyes -- the first software announcement for Apple's tablet device, which hasn't even been officially confirmed yet, and (technically) may not even exist at all. The price and availability of the app were not included in the announcement, but really, let's not sweat the details, shall we?

Earlier this week, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer gave the keynote address to the Nashville Technology Council, which was held at Trevecca Nazarene University (TNU) in Nashville, TN. Steve, who is on a multi-city tour to promote Microsoft, joined other prominent technology professionals like Abbie Lundberg, editor-in-chief of CIO Magazine.

After the speeches were done, Steve did a meet-and-greet with TNU Students to answer brief questions, sign autographs and so on. One student asked for Steve's autograph -- on a MacBook Pro.

To his credit, Steve handled the awkward moment well (as another student's camera rolled), writing "Need a new one? Steve Ballmer" smack-dab over the laptop's logo. Kudos to Steve for his cool-headed response (we can't imagine what Steve Jobs would do if asked to sign a Dell) and for that student with the nerve to pull such a stunt.

You can see close ups of the signature here.

[Via MacDailyNews]

Thanks to Stephen Colbert, we've become acutely aware of the dangers of bears, the "soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines" who patrol the forests of North America and prey on unwary hikers (some potentially not-safe-for-work language on that last site, FYI). Until now, your best defense against these furry terrors has been simply avoiding their killing grounds altogether. But Flying Jalapeño Software has introduced the latest weapon in the arsenal against the ursine menace: ScareBear Trail Companion [iTunes link].

ScareBear Trail Companion is an iPhone app that replicates the sounds of bells, clapping, and rocks in a tin can (yes), all of which are supposedly like kryptonite to bears and will scatter them from your path before you even encounter them. Should you happen to come across a bear immune to these charms and wards, ScareBear Trail Companion still has you covered – in an emergency, you can use the app to sound an emulated air horn, which may terrify the creature and send it scurrying away.

There's only three slight weaknesses with this app that I can foresee. First is that it depends on your iPhone having a charge. If your iPhone's battery goes dead in the woods, listen for the spooky soundtrack cues, because that is surely the very instant a bear will charge you from the undergrowth. Second, it takes a lot of concentration on your part to find and launch the app, wait for it to load, and then press the button to make noise; even if you can keep your wits about you when half a ton of teeth and fur is rearing up before you, anything slower than an iPhone 3GS will probably cost you critical seconds. By the time the app launches, you may already be halfway down the bear's esophagus.

Third, and most damaging to the utility of this app, the iPhone's speaker simply isn't all that loud. I've generally found that even at the highest volume, I'll often miss hearing my iPhone's ringtone in a noisy environment – and environments don't come much noisier than a roaring, hungry monster like the one pictured above. Bears may or may not have more sensitive hearing than humans; no one knows for sure, as all attempts to scientifically study these brutal creatures have ended in tragedy, with laboratories leveled to dust upon the bears' inevitable escape from their bonds.

In any case, ScareBear Trail Companion probably isn't going to save your life from a bear. If anything, it'll probably just irritate it and make it angrier. You'd probably do more damage to the bear with your iPhone if you fed it to him. I haven't been able to test ScareBear Trail Companion myself, as there are no bears in New Zealand outside of zoos. As a matter of fact, that's part of why I moved here. Safe at last.

Cult of Mac comes up with yet another classic re-use of an old Mac: they posted about this PowerMac G5 sidepanel that's been turned into an office space Nerf basketball backboard. The cardboard setup apparently broke down, so they replaced it with this Apple logo-labeled sidepanel from an old PowerMac G5 that had been turned into parts. Beautiful!

Of course you should always recycle any old Macs you aren't using any more, and Apple has an official program set up for just that. But I would rather reuse a computer for something like this: simple, functional, and pretty darn ingenious.

Today marks the fourth episode of TUAW TV Live, our regular Wednesday Ustream broadcast featuring news, reviews, and discussion of eveything Apple.

Join TUAW lead blogger Steve Sande in the chat by watching the live stream in the window below (starts at 5 PM ET, 2 PM PT), then using the chat tool to add your voice to the chorus of Mac and iPhone goodness. You can also view the show by visiting http://ustream.tv/tuaw.

Past episodes are available for viewing at the same location on Ustream.