We apologize for the late notice, but wanted to remind you that a group of our alpha geeks will be on hand for more Talkcast fun.

Barring any Skype disasters, we're back for an hour of fun and questions. There's no set topic for this evening, so bring your questions or comments and join in the fun!

To participate on TalkShoe, you can use the browser-only client, or you can try out the classic TalkShoe Pro Java client; however, for maximum fun, you should call in. For the web UI, just click the "TalkShoe Web" button on our profile page at 10 pm Sunday. To call in on regular phone or VOIP lines (take advantange of your free cellphone weekend minutes if you like): dial (724) 444-7444 and enter our talkcast ID, 45077 -- during the call, you can request to talk by keying in *-8. Talk with you then!

Recording support for the talkcast is provided by Call Recorder from ecamm networks.

Electronic Arts has released the Wolfenstein RPG for the iPhone and iPod touch -- the game is available on the App Store for $4.99 right now. It's based in the world of Wolfenstein, but it's not your normal first-person shooter. Instead, it's actually a mobile turn-based RPG, adapted from an older cellphone platform for Apple's handheld. Considering its origins, the game looks pretty good, and it's got a silly sense of humor as well -- you can read books to gain abilities and power-ups, or play a chicken-kicking minigame. Reviews are pretty excellent on iTunes, so if you're looking for something a little different to play as a role-playing game, it might be worth a look.

Even more anticipated than this game is the Doom RPG, with the same type of gameplay, but set in id software's Doom universe (notable, among other things, for its BFG weapon). Odds are that if this game does well, the Doom RPG (and maybe even Orcs and Elves, originally seen on the DS) probably won't be far behind.

Recently Fortune picked the 10 dumbest iPhone apps for 2009. In response, I thought we should pick ten search phrases that are more or less guaranteed to produce a list of horrible applications.

Our list follows. Are they the worst possible search terms? Probably not. But they're certainly guaranteed to return subquality results in your App Store search. (Yes, it is the weekend.)

So join in and add your favorite (bad) search phrases to the comments. And remember, unless a search phrase returns at least three or four really appallingly crappy applications, it does not qualify for the title.

1. jiggle: While not as salacious as you might first imagine, this search does bring up both Wobble iBoobs!! [sic], iJiggles Your Mom, and Bikini Fart.
2. pong: We love pong, but we hope we've moved past its retro appeal as far as the App Store goes. Current pong search results include Beer Pong (in several forms), iBlow Ping-Pong Ball (from CLapps!), and Cow Pong Beef.
3. gross: No, we're not talking about items that come 144 per case. An App Store search for 'gross' returns such winners as 101 Gross Sounds, Gross Facts, and (strangely enough) Speed Muscles MD, a game that challenges you to point to specific muscle groups on a cadaver. (Okay, the reviews for this last one aren't bad but the idea is just freaky unless you're a medical student.)
4. stupid: What did the great F. Gump say on this topic? One is what one does? Or at least something like that. A search for stupid returns an absolute bonanza of applications from developers who clearly have a sense of humor. Titles include Make a Face, Stupidity Test, The Idiot Test, Are You Stupider than a Kindergartner and the $0.99 A Stupid Button, which says "That's Stupid" after you have already bought and paid for it.
5. annoy: From dog whistlers, to random noise, to apps targeted to irritating our furry friends, bad App Store entries abound. There's a "Wooo!" Button app, a Free Turkey Calls app, and even one called Annoyance!. The exclamation point is courtesy of the developer.
6. jared: I know it's a little disingenuous for me to include Jared as a search term, given how I love that insanely stupid little app. But after searching for it on the App Store and finding Top Sexiest Men-Jared Leto, Screen Cleaner (from Jared Judd), SupaFan for Supernatural Fans, and The Book of Mormon Plants and Animals (no insult to LDS members, it just seems like a poor choice for an iPhone app), I knew I had to add this phrase to the list.
7. calm: I don't care how much you love your iPhone, it's not going to deliver a light spa day, provide ultimate relaxation or iSoothe your soul. I'm sure those apps are well intended but I'm also sure they're...well, see the title of this piece.
8. pickup: Without being overly insensitive, if you're carrying around an iPhone full of pickup lines, you've probably missed the point. Standouts include Lovetricity, iWingman, and (yes, you knew this was coming), Coed Spring Break
9. strip: If you're sensing a theme, well so am I. Soft pr0n seems to sell a lot of iPhone applications. Items on this search include iStrip (including its Sexy Pen edition), Poker vs Girls Strip Poker, and of course some sort of Hooters app. Sheesh.
10. fart: Yes, no worst search list would be complete without a search for "fart", including such marvelous cultural treats as Fart Shaker Deluxe, Juicy Fart, Fart Lighter, and Atomic Fart. With about 500 fart-related apps in the store, it's a benchmark of goofy that other app categories can only aspire to meet.
    

So, that's our list. Now let's see your picks for the worst searches in the App Store.

Balloons! for the iPhone (and iPod touch) made me smile. It's like Distant Shore, but more personal and fun. Don't get me wrong, I love Distant Shore, but Balloons! reminds me of being a kid and tying a message and photo to a balloon to send up into the stratosphere. Plus, you get a real sense of community. It's just plain fun to pick up a virtual balloon supposedly drifting past you. To see what I mean, check out the video. But if you ever tied a note to a balloon and let it go, that's what this does. Except now you get to catch other balloons, have conversations and attach photos all from your iPhone.

Unfortunately Balloons! isn't in the store yet, but from the build I saw looks pretty close to being ready. The Balloons devs are looking for beta testers, which you can apply for here.

I just uninstalled it from my iPhone, and am officially retiring from Flight Control (iTunes link). It was a great four month career, I tell ya. I wanted to go out at the top of my game, and on my own terms. Despite its minimal $4.99 price tag (I think that was the price when it first came out), it has cost me much more in terms of lost bets against friends (~$20), sleepless nights, hour long stops to the restroom, and lost productivity.

The Sims 3 pretty faithfully recreates the Sims experience on Apple's handhelds, albeit in a more streamlined version. While the handheld port avoids a lot of the new complexity of the latest PC release, the core Sims experience is still here -- you can create a Sim, give it a personality and a house, and then help your little avatar live its life, from going to work to following goals and dreams to completion.

To a relatively new Sims player (I've never been a huge fan of the games), the variety of things to do here is pretty impressive. There's the usual tasks around your house -- eating, cleaning, sleeping, and so on -- but as you play, your Sim comes up with new goals to lust after, and it's your job to make sure those things happen, all while trying to preserve your Sim's health and sanity. For instance, just a minute into playing, my Sim suddenly got it in his head that he wanted to "use someone else's shower" (which seems like an exceedingly creepy goal to have, actually), but instantly I started thinking about all the things I had to do to complete it: go to town, meet someone, get invited to their house, and then somehow find an opportunity to jump in the shower.

I've mentioned here before how big a fan I am of Lexitron -- it's just the perfect kind of pick-up-and-play game I enjoy having on my iPhone, and the art deco look and feel of it is an added bonus. Now, digicide has come up with a new game called Pyrus, and it looks pretty good as well. Just like Lexitron, you're still focused on making words, but this time, you just need to come up with one word per set, and the app uses multitouch in choosing each letter of whatever word you make. It's an interesting idea, and once again digicide's app is oozing with style, this time in an Egyptian theme (I love the music notes that play when you hit a letter). The app is in the store now for just $1.99, which is probably a bargain for how much time you'll spend messing around with this while waiting in line or for the bus or train somewhere.

If I could improve on these games at all, I'd almost like a few more letter options (Bookworm is pretty much the perfect word game, and while digicide obviously can't and shouldn't rip them off, something with a few more letters to choose from would seem fun). I'd also like to see a goal that's a little more involving than just racing against the clock -- maybe building up a power meter that unlocks certain letter choices or cheats, or even multiplayer against an AI or human, if digicide can pull it off. But for sheer pick-up-and-play wordcrafting fun, these games are already great. Very nice job on both, definitely two iPhone games to check out if you haven't yet.

Here are ten apps that won't annoy you (OK, Alarm Free might) and are either clever diversions or simply fun toys. All links take you to the App Store. Check out the gallery for a preview of everything I've mentioned. All of these were free when I first downloaded them, as I'm a terrible cheapskate, but several now cost between $.99 and $1.99, which isn't bad.

Ancient Wisdom
Basically just a database of quotes from three philosophers: Lao Tzu, Miyamoto Musashi and Sun Tzu. To make it a little more fun the developers make the quotes come from cute cartoon monkeys. Not exactly genius, but fun and the quotes are, of course, pure gold. Better than a Magic 8-Ball, I think.

Newtonica Player
This simple app has you spin a mesh ball to generate a "beat" that times the pace of the electronica music. There is a surprising amount of depth to the song, simple as it is. I was able to modify the tune a bit depending on my spinning, direction and how long I kept spinning. Terribly simple but fun because of those little tonal surprises.

Fireworks
Wherever you tap your finger a firework is launched to that spot and explodes. Nice little animations, plus it works in landscape mode and offers several backgrounds. The sounds could go further, and the fireworks aren't all that varied, but again, kids love it. Put it in "fireworks show" mode and keep it in your dock for a little fun. Note: at the time I originally wrote this Fireworks was free, but it is only $.99 now, which isn't too much to ask, I think.

xCube
This is just a Rubik's cube in iPhone/iPod touch form. But it is really easy to use, provides several customization options and has an undo feature. If you've ever wanted to learn how to solve the cube but didn't want a big cubic bulge in your back pocket, here's your answer. Note: again, here's an app that was free for a while, but is now $1.99 -- still cheaper than a new Rubik's cube, but more expensive than one at a garage sale. You make the call.

Yes, you can roll up your own lighter app by videotaping a lighter. Yes, you can create a soundboard by recording noises and creating a playlist. And yes, coin-flipping apps are a dime a dozen since most of us have ready access to some form of coinage. Along these lines I'm going to show you how to create three "apps" using nothing but a Mac (or PC) and your iPhone, iPod (must be able to display photos) or iPod touch. The apps? A "mood lamp" (or color-changing night light), a futuristic medical scanner (aka Tricorder) and a simulated energy blaster (aka Phaser).

The gallery will walk you through the process step-by-step and on the next page I'll show you a video of these in action. Essentially I'm making playlists: one each for the futuristic devices (with only one "song" in a playlist, set to loop) and a looping slideshow for the mood lamp. Much easier than Xcode, I'm sure. Got a similar DIY trick for you machine? Let us know in the comments. No doubt there are much better ideas than mine!

Note: you'll need speakers attached to your iPods, or you'll look like a fool pointing the thing at people and pretending you shot or scanned them. You might look like a fool anyway, but at least with some external speakers they'll be in on the joke.

Two big updates from our friends at Freeverse in the past few days. First off, Horde of Orcs, their extra-shiny (and funny) version of Desktop Defense, has gotten a big update to 1.1.4, and now features an in-game news system, two new maps, more helpful in-game tips, and "major performance improvements." That last note is of most interest to us -- I had a little trouble getting the game running smoothly on my mini, and can't wait to try again and see how it runs now. You can pick up the full version of the game for $24.95 over on Freeverse's site, or try out a free demo there.

And even more exciting, Freeverse has released another iPhone game: Flick Bowling brings the iPhone's touchscreen interface to one of my favorite games (after all, I did grow up in the very city that hosts the International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame). With a bunch of different characters, locations, and even a choice of bowling balls to choose from, odds are that Flick Bowling is probably the best bowling game on the iPhone (though it may only one of a few, if not for long). The app is available in the App Store right now for $4.99. Once again this is a place where a demo would help us, but until Apple gets its App Store game back together, it's all or nothing. If you do decide to take the plunge, let us know how it is.

Sketches was one of the apps I picked up the very first day the App Store opened -- in fact, it was the first I ever bought, and I bought it as a mistake: Apple's one-click shopping bit me for $7.99 (the app has since dropped in price to $5.99). But it turns out, as a mistake, it was a fortuitous one, because it's one of the apps I've been most impressed with. There are a few other "Paint" style apps floating around the store nowadays, but Sketches is worth the price of admission for doing exactly what it says: letting you easily and quickly draw whatever you want on whatever you want.

The quantity of options in a simple app like this are surprising. Choose from six different kinds of backgrounds, including photos shot with the phone's camera, existing album photos, a solid color, a webpage pulled from an in-app browser, a map of your location or a library of six included backgrounds.

Next, select from a bevy of colors and line thickness for drawing or the provided clip art. Finally, save the sketch in the app, export it out to your photo album or send it to Twitter. And even as you use the app, more fun appears -- there's a cool Etch-a-Sketch-like shake feature to erase what you've drawn, and the zoom button can move you in close for even more detail.

Text input is missing (and reportedly will be included in a later version), but as a quick sketch creator (you won't be designing the Mona Lisa with this, more like circling something on a map or pic before a quick upload to Twitter), Sketches is a really fun, very professional app. LateNiteSoft has it up to 1.2 so far, and even though I had no intention of buying it when I pressed the "Buy App" button without thinking (weren't we all a little feverish when the App Store first dropped?), I don't regret my purchase one bit.

Like Erica, I've been poking around the App Store all morning. Unlike Erica, I'm not brave enough to install the firmware without the official word from Apple, but in the meantime, here's a few free apps in there that are definitely worth a download right away.

Advent: A free version of Colossal Cave Adventure, on the iPhone day one.

Phonesaber: Yes. This is exactly what you think it is. And it's free.

Light: Don't spend money on one of those other flashlight programs -- get Erica's original for completely free. (In fact, you might as well go ahead and get all of her apps, they're all great.)

MixMeister Scratch: Free vinyl scratching over your iPod touch or iPhone's background music. Silly, but fun for aspiring (or, more specifically) wannabe DJs.

Zenbe Lists: A pretty good-looking free alternative to all the other To-Do applications out there.

???: I have no idea what this is (looks like some kind of Memory-type game), but it's free and it's hilariously beautiful. Update: Actually, this looks like the non-English version of Jirbo Match. But still, it looks like amazing and colorful fun.

NetNewsWire: This and AIM aren't really hidden, but they're must-haves, of course.

Have more that you've seen? Link us in the comments. I may not have the ability to install apps on the phone yet, but when I get it, I'll be ready.

You know that sudden motion sensor that's buried in your Mac to protect your hard drive? Want to have a little fun with it? Then check out Liquid Mac, a neat little app that makes your laptop's screen look like it's filled with colored water.

Once you've downloaded the app, select the color and response sensitivity you want, then gently tilt your laptop and watch the fluid splash around the screen. It's oddly soothing, actually, unless you slosh it around too fast and make yourself nauseous.

When you tire of making waves, adjust the settings to represent beads and watch it rain on your screen. To see Liquid Mac in action, check out this cool video.

What's next for the iPhone? TUAW hasn't a clue, but we've got ideas. Kooky ideas, like Chris Pirillo buys an iPhone, loves it, and rants about his errant ways and logical fallacies. We've got some pretty obvious ideas too, like someday iPhone will probably support Java-- maybe. More likely than the Pirillo scenario anyway.

But if any of these or 22 other things come to pass, TUAW has you covered. We've created the iPhone "What's Next" bingo card for your long-term bingo playing needs. It may take years before Flash is on the iPhone, or the Pope gets one, but when they do you'll be ready with a penny or something to mark it down. Enjoy!

thanks to David Chartier and Dave Caolo for your help!

There is one thing about geeks of all stripes, they like t-shirts. I should know, since I'm a geek myself! Two t-shirts that caught my eye recently would make fun gifts for the Mac geek in your life. Our friends at MacMerc whipped up this 'Worst. Keynote. Ever!' shirt that is sure to put a smile on the most cynical of your Mac friends. It can be yours for $17.90.

On the other side of the spectrum we have this 'Steve Jobs for President' tee from the folks at Insanely Great Tees. If Steve were President the trains might not run on time, but they would sure look pretty. This shirt sells for $17.

[Worst. Keynote. Ever! via CrunchGear, SJ for Pres via Uncrate.]