The following app is rated for mature audiences. Reader discretion is advised.

I just had to write that, because, in the spirit of liability, Drinkspiration by Absolut (iTunes link) made me confirm my birth date upon initial launch. That, and I'd have a major guilt trip if little Jimmy went out on an all-night drinking bender because some iPhone app encouraged him to do so.

Like legions of apps before it, Drinkspiration aims to solve an age old question that has dogged mankind: What drink should I get? And while some like featured apps provide similar functionality, it's Drinkspiration's delivery that sets it apart from the crowd.

We've all had an "oh poopie" moment involving liquids: Time slows down, you watch as the glass tips over, its contents cascading (beautifully, in another context perhaps) over the rim and onto the table. The rivulets of beverage roll in a miniscule tidal wave across the surface, over the edge, and drip to the floor. All in the span of a few seconds.

The worst part is when there's a computer between the cup and the table. That's when an oops becomes a crisis.

What's the best thing to do when there's a spill on your laptop? Keep calm and carry on:

1. Don't panic.

First, know that your data is safe. Hard drives -- while not hermetically sealed -- are tightly put together. If you act quickly, you can prevent the liquid from getting to your hard disk, and damaging your valuable data. (I'll save the bad news for later.)

2. Turn off the computer.

Even before you run to get a towel, turn the computer off. If you can't shut it down normally (the keyboard won't respond for example), try pressing the power button for several seconds to force the computer to shut down. Unplug the laptop, and disconnect any cables and USB devices.

3. With the lid open, turn the computer upside down.

This prevents the liquid from getting too far into the computer. While the computer is upside down, remove the battery and set it aside.

4. Wipe up the liquid.

All joking aside: use toilet paper. Ounce for ounce, it's the most absorbent material you're likely to have handy. It's also thin, so it can reach down into crevices in and around your keyboard to soak up the liquid. This is especially important for sugary drinks like colas and juice: Sugars are sticky, and if they dry, you'll have a bigger problem.

Next: If you're prepared, you can take your computer apart to clean up any liquid inside.

What better way for a group of tireless Apple code monkeys to relax after a week of hard work than to get smashed on the train ride home? According Drinktrain, not much. Thus, a tradition consisting of just that seems to have emerged from within Cupertino. Most Friday evenings, the last car on the CalTrain from Mountain View to San Francisco can be found chock full of inebriated Apple employees partying it up to such themes as: Chuck Norris Train, Snakes on a Mothaf*ckin Train, and my personal favorite; Mac OS X Pirate Localization Train.

According to our anonymous source, Drinktrain participants get away with their shenanigans due to the fact that there is no open-container law that applies to CalTrain vehicles. By far the juiciest tid-bit of information in the official wiki is the fact that Drinktrain is continuously looking for new blood, even if it comes from those who don't work at the shiny white mother-ship. Who's up for some locomotive lunacy!?

Slashfood has a note about a couple of iPod-based drink recipe databases suitable for using on your iPod. Using html-linked notes (some call them podsites), the databases are browsable and somewhat interactive. Drunkenbatman would be proud.

The iPod bartender  has a working demo on their site. So you can show it off to friends... It's also got a BoozeMix, which is like shuffle for your recipes. You pick your drinks based on a category, like Flaming or Eggnogs. I couldn't find plain ol' Flaming Eggnogs though.

Apple nods to the drinking set with Podtender on their site. Although the pic of a 3G iPod at this point is a little comical. It boasts over 900 recipes, and can show each of them individually. They are pretty much sorted by name, which I think makes it more usable. You pay for the additional recipes though, as Podtender costs $10.

Why do this on an iPod? Because nobody wants one of these, do they?