Here at TUAW, we feel that it's our duty to bring you important, fast-breaking Apple news. That paragon of excellence in journalistic integrity, the Weekly World News, reported today that Macworld Expo 2009 is threatened by a death ray application for the iPhone. The app (we are unsure at press time whether or not it's available in the App Store) was created by Dr. Michael Heinous of Colorado State University. Dr. Heinous has also apparently moved CSU, normally found in Fort Collins, CO, to Boulder, home of the University of Colorado.

Steve Jobs is reported to have taken time out from constructing an android body that will allow his consciousness to live forever to condemn the rogue app. He's quoted as saying "Apple does not approve of this application. Death ray technology and open source software are dangerous when released to the general public and are not in keeping with our corporate policy."

The report was later updated to note that "Specialized Apple gear, like an iPod equipped gas mask or the iLive full body armor with wifi, is will be available at the convention. Apple's executives will attend the convention via telecom from the iFallout Shelter."

Stay tuned to TUAW for more breaking news about this important, and obviously true, story.

[via Weekly World News]