Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Humor, iPod Family, Features
The definitive iPod/fruitcake smackdown
iPod? or Fruitcake? Let the facts speak for themselves.
10 Reasons why iPods beat Fruitcakes as Holiday Gifts
- You can't play your music on a fruitcake.
- Inserting earbuds into your fruitcake? Makes them all sticky and gooey.
- iPods come in many colors and flavors. Fruitcakes are...brown.
- You can't play video games on a fruitcake. (Or a Zune.)
- Fruitcakes do not support smart playlists.
- You can't really accessorize a fruitcake. Belkin doesn't offer a "fruitcake" section in its online store.
- You can't watch the latest episode of Battlestar on a fruitcake.
- Fruitcakes don't fit into your pocket.
- Fruitcakes are unsuitable items to bring along with you to your workouts.
- iPods? No crumbs.
10 Reasons why Fruitcakes beat iPods as Holiday Gifts
- iPod price $249. Fruitcake price $21.99.
- Fruitcakes need no frivolous accessories. They're usable exactly as produced.
- You're less likely to waste your spending money at iTunes with a fruitcake.
- Walk around wearing an iPod and everyone yawns. Walk around wearing a fruitcake and you're a trendsetter.
- iPod: 2.5-inch color display. Fruitcake: 10-inch multifaceted-crystalized-fruit display.
- You can't use an iPod as a football. Or a door stop.
- Fruitcakes have no batteries to replace.
- iPod: 7,500 songs. Fruitcake: the song in your heart, and the antacids in your medicine cabinet.
- You can't call your enemy "nutty as an iPod". Well, you can. But nobody's going to understand you.
- In all likelihood, your fruitcake will still be usable three years from now.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Marvo said 4:14PM on 11-30-2006
This brought a smile to my face. :-)
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Richard Blumberg said 4:37PM on 11-30-2006
The most important difference is that fruitcakes are universally loved.
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Donald Burr said 2:51PM on 11-30-2006
I'd hardly call a three-year-old fruitcake "usable." Perhaps as a bludgeon or a boat anchor, but certainly not in its original capacity as a foodstuff.
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Kevin said 6:35PM on 11-30-2006
You could use an iPod as a football or door stop, it's just not recommended.
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Joel van der Veen said 9:34PM on 11-30-2006
Cheers for sticking up for both fruitcakes and iPods. :D
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Jon said 4:24PM on 11-30-2006
#3: You *could* still eat it, theoretically. I can't imagine it would be barrels of fun though.
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Reg said 5:53PM on 11-30-2006
My initial thought was that whoever wrote this article was a bit of a fruitcake themselves!
:)
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derek said 8:50PM on 11-30-2006
are you on pot? dumb ass.
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PC said 11:54PM on 11-30-2006
What the hell?
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mauve said 3:31AM on 12-01-2006
Congratulations Erica! I was almost wincing as I clicked through to the comments section, expecting to see you flamed to a crisp by the usual crop of lame whingers that exercise their pubescent personality deficiencies whenever they come on here.
Its good to see there's still a place for a bit of off the wall nuttiness on here. I don't know how you got away with it, but I'm glad that you did!
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mcewen said 9:02AM on 12-01-2006
Fruitcakes that are three years old [or older] are the best - fed with brandy at regular intervals. It's an art not a science, and a tickle of the taste buds. Cheers
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Tom said 1:15PM on 12-01-2006
Now how about a top ten reasons why fruitcakes are better than Zunes!!!
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Donald Burr said 1:48PM on 12-04-2006
This just in: Fruitcake sales top Zune sales on Amazon.com!!
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