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So, this exists

biffy buttler

I can almost hear the possibilities flying through your heads when you look at the image above. What exactly are we looking at here? It seems to be some sort of metal iPad stand... but what's with the toilet paper? Is it some sort of a joke? There's no legitimate product that could possibly pair a tablet with toilet paper, is there?

Oh, there is, and that's just the start of it.

This is the Biffy Buttler (he he), a freestanding, handheld stainless steel bidet that, of course, includes a built-in iPad stand. If you're not familiar with the concept of a bidet, think of it like a fire hose for your [CENSORED].

It's a pressure washer pointed at your [CENSORED]?

A rinse for your nether regions? There we go.

biffy buttler

Perhaps the best part of the Biffy Buttler is how its existence so subtly suggests that you've been bringing your iPad into the bathroom with you for years anyway, so you might as well have a stand in there, too.

"Stay connected while you freshen up!" it so boldly exclaims, but we all know you're not sending business correspondence while seated on the porcelain throne. No, you're trying to beat your Flappy Bird score before someone knocks on the door and asks why you've been occupying the john for a full half hour.

The Buttler carries a retail price of US$149.95 (though it's currently on sale for $119.95). I guess connected cleanliness doesn't come cheap.

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