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Do you suffer from 'appiphilia'?

by Robert Palmer Sep 1st 2008 at 10:00AM


Do you download applications you don't even use? Do you stay up late, obsessively logging in to iTunes? If so, you may have appiphilia.

But don't worry: Appiphilia is treatable with Appien, from the makers of Extensionil and Kaleidoscept.

Talk to your doctor about Appien. For some patients, it can reduce the joy associated with buying new applications, meaning less time on the App Store, and more time doing the things that you love: like checking email or using Maps.

Only your doctor can diagnose appiphilia. If you spent more than $30 on applications in the last week, there's a good chance Appien can help.

Appien isn't for everyone. Side effects include nausea, projectile Zune ownership, and dry mouth. Tell your doctor if backing up your iPhone takes longer than four hours, since this can be a sign of a rare complication that requires immediate medical attention.

Talk to your doctor about Appien. Appien. Regain control of your iPhone.

[Via The Los Angeles Times.]



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Do you download applications you don't even use? Do you stay up late, obsessively logging in to iTunes? If so, you may have...
 

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Matt

I thought your write up was HILARIOUS! "Projectile Zune ownership"... LOL, awesome. Keep it up.

September 02 2008 at 2:08 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Hickeroar

lol nice. I definitely suffer from this disorder.

September 02 2008 at 10:39 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Maxwell

I liked this article. It's cute. And it's also Labor day, so I didn't expect any HOT NEWS.

I don't really suffer from this. I'm more the opposite; I go for the cheapo (read:free) version of all the apps.

September 01 2008 at 8:45 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Catt

Loved it! Reminded me of the last time I went shopping for allergy medicine in the drug store.


September 01 2008 at 4:57 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Disgustor

...September fool!

September 01 2008 at 4:36 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
David Chartier

That was pretty funny, nice work guys. Humanity is constantly in need of a sense of humor.

September 01 2008 at 2:49 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Don Perreault

For someone who can identify with this sickness of appiphilia I found the story very amusing. I have spent nearly $400 since the app store opened. Most of the $400 I spent on those applications are crap. Apple forces the end user to buy an application to demo it. In my experience 25% of the applications I purchased are worth the money the other 75% r rubbish. Now that is disappointing.

September 01 2008 at 2:22 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Don Perreault's comment
Doc

Anyone who spends $400 on apps for a phone is just asking to be ripped off.

I'm sorry but I just get the {k} version and if I really really like it sure I'll buy it.


September 01 2008 at 6:00 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Athtart

I have the disease Robert! ;-) But I am a certified Apple-Geek and enjoy wast...I mean Spending my time messing around with apps on the iPhone. I have over 140 iPhone apps and over a hundred of those are from the App Store, both free and purchased, but most I paid at least $.99 or more for. My most expensive was Jada (formerly teleport) at $24.99, but then I need to monitor networked servers and that was the best app for the job. Oh, yes.. and I am a game junkie too :-) so I bought a good number of $5+ games. Of course I have some Cydia installed apps and even a few cracked apps as well (I believe in being able to try before buying - and I DO buy).

Thanks for the Humor on a HOLIDAY weekend.

September 01 2008 at 1:57 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
SRG

Further proof that the media is increasingly full of suck and fail. Maybe the idiots at the NYT should read the actual definition of a paraphilia before arbitrarily using the word assembly to make up one of their own.

Unless, of course, those left-of-the-bell-curve genetic throwbacks are implying people are actually suffering from an uncontrollable sexual arousal or fantasies caused by applications or application-like objects, causing significant distress or impulsive behaviour markedly outside of standardized sexual norms.

September 01 2008 at 1:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
2 replies to SRG's comment
Robert Palmer

-philia is a generic suffix meaning "affinity for." In chemistry, for example, some compounds are considered "hydrophilic" or "hydrophobic" depending on how they interact with water.

And it was the Los Angeles Times, incidentally.

TMYK.

September 01 2008 at 2:02 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
SRG

Robert Palmer,

I'll take the egg on my face for the gaffe with originating site, my bad.

As for it being generic suffix, that doesn't really apply here when they're creating a make-believe mental disorder, as is the case here. But yes, in the context of chemistry it is usable as you say.

September 01 2008 at 3:10 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Flanagan

As a past patient on Kaleidoscept, I can vouch for this company's results.

(I think I may be the only one who got the Kaleidoscope reference)

September 01 2008 at 1:53 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Flanagan's comment
Robert Palmer

I was hoping more people got it. Sigh. I guess I'm just old.

My Kaleidoscopitis went untreated for years.

September 01 2008 at 1:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
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