Filed under: Humor
Dell comments on Apple's green commitment, TUAW translates from PR-speak to English
Dell executive Bob Pearson decided to comment on Apple's "green" ad campaign. It was hard to understand. We were confused. Fortunately, Robert was nice enough to translate. The original post, on Dell's site, is here.
"Several Dell folks were surprised and perplexed to see Apple's new 'green' MacBook ad since its release last month and we've been watching the discussions in the blogosphere. After chatting with our environmental teams about the topic, we realized that instead of ignoring it, we should have a conversation about the real meaning of being green from the viewpoint of a Fortune 500 company."
In a desperate attempt to dredge up this environment issue from October, I bought lunch for a few of my subordinates, ordered them to be in the "Sunset Plains" conference room at noon, and told them we would be discussing this.
"Our view is that companies who choose to lead have an obligation to be open and transparent. We have a responsibility to engage in dialogue about the environment, whether we agree or disagree with an individual person or group. It all contributes to the greater good."
We like to sit around and shoot the breeze about stuff. When there isn't enough breeze-shooting, we shoot it ourselves, con-sarn it.
"What is not good is to skip steps, avoid dialogue and pray that people aren't smart enough to figure it out. That doesn't help any of us and it certainly doesn't further the environmental cause for those of us who care deeply about it."
Honestly, talking is the only thing we do well.
"It is important to listen, learn, ask more questions and be willing to admit it when you are wrong. We don't recall Apple joining the conversation about the environment, either via key conferences or the blogosphere or via reporter meetings."
While Steve Jobs wrote this open letter to everyone on Earth, they are not communicating with people via homing pigeon, telegram, or bicycle courier.
"In fact, we believe Apple employees are not allowed to blog, as far as we can tell. If you want to make 'big claims,' you should be willing to tell 'big stories' in an open environment and let others critique your efforts. Don't skip this step and go right to ads that may not even be truthful."
I am as high as a kite.
"We have repeatedly said we want to be the greenest technology company on the planet. This is our aspiration. It really motivates us inside Dell to chase this goal. It's very different than saying "we have the greenest laptops," which Apple has said. Apple hasn't stated any goals, just made claims, which as far as we can tell, are not accurate."
Don't look at this page. There are no goals on that page. Don't. Stop it! You're clicking! Why are you clicking?
"Our Latitude E-series makes energy efficiency, the use of BFR/PVC-free components and the elimination of mercury a priority. They were designed and built with the environment and easy accessibility in mind, arguably more so than the Macbook. In our view, our work is far from over, but we're encouraged by the progress we are making."
We're not actually removing BFR and PVC from our products by the end of 2009, like we promised.
"We are highly focused on tangible actions, not rhetoric. It was in one of our regular sustainability meetings that Michael challenged us to offer free recycling worldwide for consumers. A big goal and we did it. We hope Apple does the same someday."
Oh, wait. (See update below.)
"We challenged ourselves in 2007 to meet a carbon-neutral goal for our operations in 2008 and we did it in August, about five months ahead of schedule. We hope Apple decides to do the same."
We don't actually know if this is true, but it sure sounds good.
"We challenged ourselves to see how much packaging we could reduce and this led to our recent announcement that we'll eliminate 20 million pounds of laptop and desktop shipping materials. Again, same point."
I have not seen a new MacBook box, and I don't plan to. I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALA.
"It's why we ask our primary suppliers to disclose GHG emissions data during quarterly business reviews. It's why we have green teams at Dell inside our company continually telling us how we can improve our lighting or flooring or any other aspect of our facilities. And it's why our engineers remain highly focused on ensuring our product line becomes increasingly green across the board. It's become a point of pride for our employees to reach and exceed each goal."
As long as it's a bullet in a PowerPoint, I'm told our people love to make it happen.
"We wish Apple would be more bold in making a difference rather than making ads. If they do both, then fantastic, run all the ads you want. But don't forget what this is all about. And, remember, we're just getting started."
Run all the ads you want, Apple.
(With apologies for the length, and to John Gruber.)
Update: Commenters have pointed out that the program I linked to is only available in the contiguous 48 United States. I didn't mean to mislead: Apple operates recycling programs in the continental US and Canada, Europe, Taiwan, and Japan. According to Apple, they operate or participate in recycling programs in regions where more than 95% of their products are sold. Thanks, Adam!
![TUAW [Cafepress]](http://www.blogsmithmedia.com/www.tuaw.com/media/tuaw-cafepress-promo.png)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
Jon said 12:09PM on 12-20-2008
Dell laptops need to be greener because people are more inclined to immediately throw them in the trash.
Sorry, had to get that one in ;)
Reply
the old man said 12:25PM on 12-20-2008
HAHAHA!
TMcCamant said 1:54PM on 12-20-2008
but it is so true
KosherSalt said 4:16PM on 12-20-2008
Well played sir. Ha!
Quine said 4:45PM on 12-20-2008
it's funny cuz it's true
antiorario said 4:50PM on 12-20-2008
Hats off.
seth brundle said 10:14PM on 12-20-2008
I have been using a new MacBook by necessity for 4 months since I started iPhone programming, and I seriously have no fucking idea what all the fuss is about, and I cant believe how much more Apple people will pay for a notebook.
I mean, its a NOTEBOOK. My Dell XPS M1330 has about the same specs, and I bought it a YEAR ago for about 25% less, and its smaller, weighs less, and has twice as many ports.
The single-piece of aluminum and buttonless touchpad are completely meaningless 'features' to me. I would gladly give both of those features up for a lousy monitor port, an SD card slot, or even a third USB port so I can plug the damn iPhone into the notebook with a mouse and keyboard connected.
The features Apple thinks are 'important' in a notebook are just bizarre to me as the stuff they think is unnecessary.
Vega said 3:34AM on 12-21-2008
@Seth:
I don't know why you're complaining. You're Macbook seems to fit your trolling needs quite well...
alext said 5:01PM on 12-21-2008
Apple designs good products and has made an effort towards greening their systems. I will call foul on all the smug back patting about how far they have come though.
I develop products. With over a decade of experience designing products I can tell you the following:
One of the most energy intensive ways to fabricate a part is to machine it out of a solid block.
It takes a long time to machine a part out of a block of material as compared to injection molding or metal casting. It probably takes 20-30 times as long to machine a part as to mold or cast it.
In order to keep up with demand they must have a ton of cnc machining stations cranking 24/7.
Add it up and their energy foot print for fabrication just went off the charts. All the LED back lights and recycled aluminum will not offset that environmental foot print unless they have a wind farm the size of Texas cranking in their back yard.
Any green designer worth their salt will tell you that the biggest impact they can have on greening the planet is through efficient manufacturing processes. Those advances will reach much farther than anything a consumer could do in their daily life.
I love Apples products, their UI is insanely great. They just completely face plant when it comes to material choices.
Sorry to rain on the parade but I think they can do so much better if they put their mind toward it.
Diezel said 7:32PM on 12-22-2008
Nice haha. Its so true!
Dustin N. said 12:35PM on 12-20-2008
What plane of reality do the Dell higher-ups exist on? Seems to me like willful ignorance.
Reply
Jesse said 12:39PM on 12-20-2008
Wow, this article is probably the worst I've seen on here in a very long time.
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Bill Jobs said 1:05PM on 12-20-2008
Do you people at TUAW ever consider that non-Apple people can be good eco-loving people too? That was a horrible article, if you can call it that.
Luke H. said 1:11PM on 12-20-2008
Thanks for sharing your opinion, I however, on the other hand think it was a brilliant article and laughed the whole way through, sorry you didn't enjoy it.
KarlW said 1:17PM on 12-20-2008
@Bill
You got the wrong end of the argument. Dell is saying that Apple's not really interested in the environment and lies with its ads. It's an absolute load of drivel.
I'd like to ask that guy how blogging is important to saving the environment.
ColonelSmith said 1:55PM on 12-20-2008
It kinda makes me think the execs at Dell are a bunch of jealous Jr. High kids trying to bed the truth to make everyone like them.
ColonelSmith said 1:56PM on 12-20-2008
Excuse the typo... I meant *bend. Maybe I should go work for their PR team? (That was a joke... a very, very... bad joke)
Squid7085 said 3:00PM on 12-20-2008
Are you kidding? I think this article was extremely well written, it basically pointed out the arrogance of the person that wrote this post. I mean, he wrote a post without knowledge that Apple actually already has a free recycling program. This post didn't attempt to downplay any of Dells environmental actions, it just pointed out all the falicies in a Dell PR piece that was obviously more to poke fun at Apple and tell lies than than this post even came close to.
Apple of two years ago was this, but Apple has stepped up and surpassed all the other computer companies, leaving them clueless. Dell is just mad they didn't think of running ads first.
nikster said 1:27AM on 12-21-2008
I found it mildly amusing, though it left me wondering about why the hell I am reading a text that came out of Dell's PR-department. I mean, in-between the bits that made fun of it.
I mean consider this: _No-one_ reads what came out of that PR dept. Nobody cares, and that's how it should be. I am sure there are more TUAW readers now that know the full text of Dell's PR text than there are .... I don't know. Who would normally read this, I mean outside of the PR dept. itself? A handful of other Dell employees, maybe? It's meant to be BS, and highly successful at it.
In addition, dumping on Dell is not necessary either. It's too easy, why do it? Leave the boring grey people with the other boring grey people and let's do something fun instead.
collie said 3:05AM on 12-21-2008
this is really totally snide apple-fanboyism at its finest and nothing else
nothing useful in this article at all