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Rumor Roundup: Delayed until whenever

Several of this week's rumors strongly suggest that a main fixture in any analyst's office is a dartboard with months listed on it instead of numbers. "Apple will launch its next iPhone in..." *throws dart* "...September. Of course! Quickly, Robin: to the B.S.mobile!"

Analyst: Apple to release Retina display iPad mini models in Q3 and early 2014 [u] (AppleInsider)

Some analyst makes claims about upcoming Apple product launches. He offers precisely zero proof. The rumor blogs breathlessly "report" his musings anyway. Stop me if any of this is sounding depressingly familiar.

As its shares rebound, Apple seen as ready to 'change the narrative' (AppleInsider)

One analyst has broken away from the "Apple is DOOMED" crowd and instead expects the company to recover some stock value on the strength of new product announcements. I would agree with him if Apple's stock price were in any way logically connected to the reality of the company's financial performance... but that hasn't been true for a long time. When it comes to Apple's share price, the inmates are running the asylum, and they have been since late last year.

Foxconn looks to lessen reliance on iPhone, positions for potential Apple television (AppleInsider)

It turns out Foxconn makes products for companies other than Apple, and it's interested in continuing to do so in the future. Who could ever have guessed? Meanwhile, Foxconn's interest in televisions obviously points to a future Apple HDTV, because it's not like Foxconn makes products for companies other than Apple.

Wait, I'm confused. Is Foxconn diversifying away from Apple's existing products or doubling down on Apple products that don't exist yet and may never see the light of day? Well, no matter which way it goes down it doesn't matter, because Apple is obviously DOOMED either way.

Mass Production of Retina Displays for iPad Mini Expected to Start in June or July (MacRumors)

Or August, or September, or October, or...

Sharp to reportedly start 'iPhone 5S' LCD production in June (AppleInsider)

Or July, or August, or September, or...

Morgan Stanley: Apple on track to build multiple new iPhone models in June-July (AppleInsider)

Or August, or September, or October, or...

Surge in Apple's iOS 7 Usage Revealed in Web Traffic Stats (MacRumors)

BREAKING: Widely-expected Apple operating system shows up in web traffic logs shortly before its debut at WWDC [note to editor: change article's dates from 2012 to 2013]

Rumors of low-cost iPhone rekindled as Pegatron said to hire additional 40K workers (AppleInsider)

Like Foxconn, electronics manufacturer Pegatron apparently doesn't make devices for anyone except Apple, and the only possible explanation for Pegatron hiring more workers is that it somehow relates to manufacturing unreleased and long-rumored Apple products.

Purported next-gen iPhone motherboard part may reveal tweaked camera design (AppleInsider)

Remember when Tim Cook said Apple was "doubling down on secrecy," and we all laughed at him? Yet this story is typical of what parts leaks have looked like in 2013: very minor parts divorced from the overall device context and forcing rumor blogs to get all CSI on them. "Zoom. Enhance. Enhance. There. You see? The slightly different shape of the pin connectors suggests -- hey, are you falling asleep? Wake up!"

Pegatron CEO says Bloomberg reporter made up report of 'falling iPad mini demand' (9to5 Mac)

I for one am absolutely shocked that Bloomberg would misrepresent information in an attempt to gin up some more "Apple is DOOMED" nonsense. That's just not like them at all. /sarcasm

This seems like a good time to remind everyone that you can't spell "controversy" without "con."

New Nexus 7 to be highlight of Google I/O as 'iPad mini 2' faces delay, analyst says (AppleInsider)

Some analyst claims Google's new tablet is positioned to take advantage of the new-model iPad mini's "delay."

Let's make one thing clear, "analysts": an unannounced product cannot, by definition, be "delayed." Just because the product wasn't announced by your first out-of-thin-air, B.S. guesstimate date doesn't mean it's been "delayed." It means Apple releases products according to its own internal scheduling, not according to whatever you throw into your "note to investors" after chugging the water in your Magic 8 Ball.

Big changes coming to AppleCare this fall: warranty subscriptions, in-store iOS device repairs, more (AppleInsider)

Honestly, it's so refreshing to see a rumor with a source other than some so-called "analyst" that I'm prepared to believe this story whether it turns out to be true or not.



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Rumors Apple

Several of this week's rumors strongly suggest that a main fixture in any analyst's office is a dartboard with months listed on it instead...